Fitzpatrick (with help from her adult daughter) clearly and methodically exposes the plague of moralism on parenting. While she wisely understands that some parenting is required simply to manage situations, she helpfully explains the need for a more gospel-centered, grace-filled approach. As a relatively new parent, I was helped by these truths and I heartily recommend it to anyone else who is willing to admit they don’t have all the answers…or even all the right questions.

The primary reason the majority of kids from Christian homes stray from the faith is that they never really heard it or had it to begin with. They were taught that God wants them to be good, that poor Jesus is sad when they disobey, and that asking Jesus into their heart is the breadth and depth of the gospel message. Scratch the surface of the faith of the young people around you and you’ll find a disturbing deficiency of understanding of even the most basic tenets of Christianity. [18]

Everything that isn’t gospel is law. Every way we try to make our kids good that isn’t rooted in the good news of the life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ is damnable, crushing, despair-breeding, Pharisee-producing law. We won’t get the results we want from the law. We’ll get either shallow self-righteousness or blazing rebellion or both (frequently from the same kid on the same day!). We’ll get moralistic kids who are cold and hypocritical and who look down on others (and could easily become Mormons), or you’ll get teens who are rebellious and self-indulgent and who can’t wait to get out of the house. We have to remember that in the life of our unregenerate children, the law is given for one reason only: to crush their self-confidence and drive them to Christ. [36]

We are always to do our best, striving to be obedient and to love, nurture, and discipline them. But we are to do it with faith in the Lord’s ability to transform hearts, not in our ability to be consistent or faithful. Seeking to be faithfully obedient parents is our responsibility; granting faith to our children is His. Freedom to love and enjoy our children flows out of the knowledge that God saves them in spite of our best efforts, not because of them. Salvation is of the Lord. [53]

If you want your parenting to be based on the Bible, this must be the ruling model for it. Remind your children who they are, of your love and welcome. Then remind them of God’s gracious offer of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Then command their obedience. [106]

Aside from placing a crushing burden of guilt and fear upon the backs of dads and moms, the thought that we can change anyone’s heart is laughable. Change our children’s hearts? Only God has the power to change the heart! [161]

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