Conflict is inevitable, even among those you are closest to and love most dearly. This book is designed to help family members manage that conflict in a way that produces a sustainable peace. Sande touches on all areas of family—including marriage and children—and peppers the book with his own personal experiences. While repetitive at times, and perhaps a bit bloated, the concepts and principles are valuable tools in the day-to-day realities of family life.

When faced with conflict, we tend to focus passionately on what our opponent has done wrong of should do to make things right. In contrast, God always calls us to focus on what is going in our hearts when we are at odds with others. Why? Because our heart is the wellspring of all our thoughts, words, and actions, and therefore the source of our conflict. [16]

Glorifying God is the highest calling of a Christian. When we are in the midst of conflict, we have the opportunity to give testimony to what Jesus has done for us, and to reflect the love and kindness of Christ in how we treat those who have wronged us. The more Jesus’ grace and character are revealed in us, the more God is honored and praised. [35]

Forgiveness is not some fuzzy, sentimental concept. Nor is it a feeling. Nor is it forgetting—God does not passively forget our sins; He actively chooses not to remember them. Nor is forgiving excusing—the very fact that forgiveness is necessary indicates that somebody did something wrong and inexcusable. And forgiveness is certainly not offering temporary remission, only to store a record of the sin in our memory and then trot it out when we need it later. Instead, forgiveness is an act of the will, a conscious decision to fully and freely pardon our offender. [40]

It is usually quite easy for parents to identify the desires that rule their children’s hearts. The more important task is for us to identify the idols that are ruling our own hearts, which generally include a consuming desire for respect, appreciation, control, comfort, convenience, or, to put it in simple terms, peace and quiet. Whenever we find ourselves feeling frustrated, bitter, resentful, or angry toward our children, there is a good chance that we have elevated a desire for these good things to a sinful demand. [135]

Although you can be an influence on your spouse, you are the only person in your marriage whom you can actually change. Therefore, the less you dwell on your spouse’s deficiencies, and the more you seek to work with God as He changes you, the more quickly you will see progress in improving your marital relationship. [178] 

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